By Lyndi Lee Markus
“Dangit, Jo!” I exclaimed to my spiritual director. Except I did not use the word dangit. I had come to our session discouraged to the point of tears, stuck in anxious thinking that left me hopeless and powerless. Her question had both lovingly and uncomfortably dislodged me from my rut. How was she so wise?
I’m not usually verbally aggressive toward Jo. But I confess that sometimes, when I am most raw, I may have a tendency to use words we don’t include in Upfront. (Jesus and I are talking about it, which is kind of my point here.)
Because Jo and I have a couple of trust dollars in our relational piggy bank, I know she hears my true self, even amid my occasional outbursts. She consistently listens for the themes in the story I share with her and helps me connect the threads of my own journey to the work of God in my heart, leading me to new discoveries by guiding and challenging me with questions. Transformation in Jesus’ image is always the goal.
In case you haven’t noticed by now, faith is hard. So often, walking in freedom means we must release the “shoulds” so easily emblazoned on our young hearts and truly honor Jesus as a companion and partner in the work of our souls. How can we grow in vulnerability and honesty with the Lord about how we really feel and about the work we still need to do together? He already knows our stories; how precious it is to Him when we truly trust Him with them (Psalm 139:1-2)!
In that tender honesty, a spiritual director can hold a non-judgmental space for you to just be. With listening ears and curious questions to help you know yourself better—not to find some “right” answer—a director witnesses your story, its highs and devastations, and listens for the rumblings of the Holy Spirit in you. It’s safe. You’re known and loved. You can counteract self-judgment with curiosity that takes you deeper—Jesus has begun the work, and He will be faithful to complete it (Philippians 1:6).
I’ve been so affected by this radically honest safety, I now passionately offer it to others as a spiritual director myself. I am still absolutely in progress. But Jesus is so alive to me, it’s a privilege to watch His transformative work continue in others’ hearts as well as we notice and wonder together. When we release our heavy “shoulds,” we are freed to accept the invitation to a dance of delight with the Father and Friend who loves us so deeply.
