“I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with your head held high” (Leviticus 26:13).
As a young child, my Sunday school teacher taught me about the Good Shepherd and how we did not have to fear death because He would be with us. I had decided to make Him Lord over my life and did my best to obey His commands written in the Bible. I studied the Word, prayed regularly, and shared the Good News of Jesus with others.
Still, I had this recurring dream about standing before a crowd of people to speak or sing, but every time I started to open my mouth, a voice would yell the word “No!” at me. “You have nothing important to say,” it would declare loudly.
Thinking I could just will the voice away, I took the stage several times. But sadly, almost every experience ended in deep shame. Before I knew it, I wouldn’t dance to music. I wouldn’t even laugh at jokes. I just…couldn’t.
Through the years I began to think of myself as a fraud. While I was telling others about this Good Shepherd, I wasn’t experiencing His goodness for myself. Privately, I was crying, I was angry, and I was tired of “keeping up appearances.”
Though I knew a lot about God and was even serving as a Navigator missionary in Africa, I did not feel free. A part of me stayed hiding within the dark recesses of my soul because it did not feel safe. It was not safe to be me.
“Lord, please help me walk with my head held high…like one redeemed from the slavery of sin,” I prayed repeatedly. “How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God!” (Psalm 139:17). And then I asked, “Lord, would you let me hear just one of them?” Then I sat in silence.
“I love you,” I heard back. “I love you, Rhoda.” That is all I heard that day, but it was enough. Finally I knew: God loves me. My Heavenly Father loves me!
Bit by bit, the truth sank deeper into my heart and my true self gained the courage to step out of its familiar dungeon. The powerful truth of God’s love for me began to break the chains of the enemy’s lies that had kept me bound for so many years.
The voice of the Good Shepherd spoke words of life to the deepest part of my heart. His still small voice was powerful enough to bring the transformation my soul needed. Ministry, busyness, and dutifulness were not the answer to my heart’s need; it was the deep work of the Holy Spirit alone that could tear down those shame and lies, and it was His voice that would finally build up the load-bearing pillars of daughtership that remain steady and true today.
Today, I stand with my head held high, and confidently sing:
Amazing love! How can it be,
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
Long my imprisoned spirit lay,
Fast bound in sin and nature’s night
Thine eye diffused a quickening ray
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light
My chains fell off, my heart was free
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.
– And Can it Be, Charles Wesley
