Dave and I met while he was stationed as a Marine here at Camp Lejeune. For about the last 18 months, he and I have met for prayer and to fellowship deeply with the Lord together. Our times are always a mini-celebration of the goodness of God in our lives and in others. And since we’ve been meeting, Dave has made several huge transitions in his life, the biggest being getting married.
Dave told me about his deep desire to have a devotional life with his new bride.
Since I’ve been going through some coaching training, this piqued my curiosity. I’ve been learning that in conversations like these, although I may be able to share some personal stories and Scriptures that I find motivating, I have no idea what Dave wants exactly. My curiosity isn’t about me wanting more information. I get to love Dave by being curious with him, exploring for his sake so that he can be the diligent, Christ-honoring, sacrificial husband God wants to be.
To guide my questions in these conversations, I like using an acronym from the coach model: FIRE.
I ask the person:
F: What do you want to focus on?
I: What makes that important to you?
R: What results do you want from our conversation?
E: Then after 10-15 minutes of conversation, I ask them to evaluate how they feel things are currently going in that area.
As Dave and I worked through those questions, he talked about how much he wanted to take his responsibility as a husband seriously, as well as desired strong unity with his wife.
The Holy Spirit reminded me of Dave’s life verse, Matthew 11:28: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” . So we talked about what it looks like to lead his wife the way Christ has led him—with gentleness.
“Wow,” Dave said. He realized he was trying to put so much effort into these devotions, it was actually stressing his wife out. So he came up with some questions to ask, so that he could make sure to lead her for her sake, not for his own sense of accomplishment. More recently, he’s told me they both are enjoying this way of drawing near to the Father together!
What a fun gift from God to serve my brother by curiosity for his sake and seeing him turn that curiosity toward his wife as he leads their family. It’s deep, it bears fruit, and it’s exciting to grow in curiosity toward others as they follow Jesus wholeheartedly!
